Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
