some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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