I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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