Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
