Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
