Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
