I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
