I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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