you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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