i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
