She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
