you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
