two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
