Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My cat gives me a boner
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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