i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
