Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
