No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
