you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
