Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
