There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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