if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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