I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
