On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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