did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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