Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
