wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
