I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
