Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
