nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
