She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
