Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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