with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
