soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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