My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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