i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
