Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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