I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
