Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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