i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
