I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
