I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
