when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
