i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
