One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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