I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
