don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
