apparently the secret to your success is patron
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
birth control should be required to get into college
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
