I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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