This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
