Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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