Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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