Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
