I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
