Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
