Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
