How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
