That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
