drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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